Nov 3, and I am listening to this piece to prepare a chart for it. The composing has
changed me in yet another way, lately, I mean both what it takes to compose, and the product, my sensitivity to what is unusual to me, both about my own composing, and the effect of my own pieces on me, when I am arranging them for horns, which is what I am doing day by day.
And focussing on what is particular about it, has made me impatient with the connections to people which might distract me from my work, not just during work hours, but at all times of day and night: I used to be able to float from one task to another, to some degree, but now my darknesses are out, and the composing has taken me over in a way which makes it hard for me to relate to people who are indifferent to the composing. I am becoming the composing.
This piece composed in June (which I see now was a very productive month)...strikes me now as more important to me, than it did at the time, but each thing on the "Seven Compositions" disc, which some people have bought and are listening to...each piece, now has a clearer purpose to me now, than it did at the time I wrote the pieces. It is like when one is preparing poems for a collection: it is only later that you realize which ones go together. Well, the logic of the most recent composing (and my response to many things I have written since 2009) has formed an anthology of me, has made me into the composing.